Set up a time to talk and give them a safe space
Try to make sure you have privacy and will not be distracted or interrupted. Make sure they know they can contact or visit you if they need to. Where possible, try to visit them at their home.
Let them know you're worried about them
Be honest and tell them why you're worried. They may not respond right away, and they may even get defensive or deny the abuse. Let them know you want to help and will be there to support them whatever decision they make.
Be supportive
Listen to them. Bear in mind that it may be very hard to talk about the abuse. Let them know they're not alone. If they want help, ask them what they want you to do.
Offer specific help
You might say you're willing to listen to them talk, to help with childcare, or to help with transport.
Be patient
Do not say 'you just need to leave'. Instead, say something like, 'I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.'
Help them make a safety plan
Safety planning might include packing important items and helping them find a 'safe word'. This is a code word they can use to let you know they're in danger, without the abuser realising they've told you. It might also include agreeing on a safe place to meet them if they need to leave in a hurry. Women's Aid has lots of helpful information about making a safety plan.
Encourage them to talk to an organisation which can help
Specialist domestic abuse services can offer support and information to those living with, trying to escape, or who have escaped, domestic abuse. Local domestic abuse support organisations include:
If they decide to stay, keep being supportive
They may decide to stay in the relationship, or leave and then go back many times. It might be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what they decide to do.
If they decide to leave, keep offering help
Even though their relationship was abusive, they may still feel very sad and lonely once it's over. They may need help to contact support organisations or community groups so they feel less isolated.
Let them know you'll always be there no matter what
It can be very worrying and frustrating to see a loved one stay in an abusive relationship. But if you end your relationship with them, it means one less safe place they can go in the future. You cannot force a person to leave a relationship, but you can let them know you will help, whatever they decide to do.
